WAY members share tips on Valentine's Day

February 2019

This Valentine’s Day, we share some tips from WAY members about how to cope with what can be a difficult day in the calendar for those who’ve lost a soulmate…

Christopher: “I’m going to light a candle, buy her some flowers and leave a brew at the side of our wedding photo.”

Kate: “It’s good to be with others in the same situation on difficult days. Even though my husband and I didn’t make a huge fuss on Valentine’s Day, after he died it did feel like it was very in my face how alone I was on what is a day for couples. Last year I organised a cinema trip for WAY members without children (WAY Wocs) and we watched a non-romantic film (Black Panther).”

Charlotte: “I’ve dug out my old cards from him so I may put them up. I’ve bought a little daisy jug thing to take to his grave. I’m hoping nursery will make something from my daughter that we can laminate like they did for his birthday.”

Lindsey: “We didn't really believe in Valentine’s Day. Every day and any day was Valentine’s Day for my husband and I! Just go against the herd mentality and commercialism and do your own thing! Like any date, it is what you make it. You can ignore it…”

Joanna: “Last year I put a post on Facebook saying I’ll be at work Valentine’s Day, make sure you bring gifts or you won’t get served! (I work in a pub). I needed help carrying all the flowers, chocolates etc to the car at the end of my shift #solidplan

 Claire: “I buy myself some flowers.”

Geri: “I have an annual routine. It mostly involves four cans of M&S pre-mixed cocktails and my sofa.”

Jo: “Last year (first one) I bought two identical roses and took one over the cemetery and kept one at home. I went shopping and bought myself something nice and went out for food. This year I have chosen to work so I can see which is easier for me.”

Camilla: “Wait until after the 14th and then buy yourself some expensive but now half-price chocolates!!”

Dave: “Just treat it like any other day.”

Trudy: “I might well take myself out if I can get a sitter. I’ve done it once before a couple of years ago. It was difficult seeing loved up couples but kind of funny too seeing people wondering why I was dining out alone.”

Julie: “I’m going to have an ‘Anti Valentine’s Day’. Going to wear my grottiest pjs and watch horror films!”

Pernille: “My own preferred advice for any kind of occasion: plan what to do in advance! That way, on the day where you feel particularly vulnerable you don’t also need to make the difficult decision of how to deal with the day. You just have to follow whatever you decided in advance. Unless of course you actually do feel like something else on the day, in which case do that! But it takes away some of the feeling of ‘I don’t know what I should be doing on this day’.”

Sharon: “I’m planning on ignoring it. We never celebrated Valentine’s Day but it was a week before Paul’s birthday. I always got frustrated that it was hard to buy a card till Valentine’s was over. This year it’s just like an extra countdown to another big day I’ll miss him.”

Vanessa: “We sent cards but didn’t do the whole overpriced flowers chocolates restaurant thing, we did our own meal ‘can’t cook, won’t cook’ style with the children, and a bottle or two of fizz to take away the taste, in case the food was terrible! I’ll do the bottle this year and get a curry with my eldest. Youngest doesn’t do spicy foods so she’s making herself a Nutella bagel! A sort of win…” 

Lucy: “I think I will get myself some flowers and defo a bottle of bubbly. I love encouraging the kids to give cards and we sometimes make heart shape biscuits etc.”

Karen: “I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day but since losing Iain it’s another reminder I’m on my own. I usually buy two £3 bunches of flowers from Tesco, take one up to the grave and one in the house. Was usually what I got from him anyway lol!”

Joanne: “Me and Sam didn’t do Valentine’s Day as he bought me flowers most weeks. We used to laugh as we would buy cards for each other and then forget to write them. He always bought me the reduced flowers on the 15th so I will do the same this year and get a bunch of reduced ones and put a single rose on his grave.”

Caroline: “I’m taking my daughter out for a Valentine's meal, if she can put her phone down.”

Sez: “Treat yourselves to something scrummy and watch a box set. Just another day x”

Hannah: “I’m off work on Thursdays so I plan on spending all day with my little boy… giving him kisses and letting him eat chocolate cake.”

Lisa: “I’ll just buy some flowers & take them to the cemetery & get out last year’s card.”

Jenny: “My birthday is two days after Valentine’s Day. We never made a fuss on Valentines – although it was the day he left me a note asking me out the first time. Last year I treated myself to THREE bunches of flowers that were reduced the day before my birthday!”

Anita: “My husband was so romantic and sentimental... I’ve ordered him five roses for Valentine’s to represent the five of us (me, Chris and our 3 boyz). I will take them to the churchyard on Valentine’s Day.”