Back to school: Seven tips for supporting a grieving child as they move up to secondary school

August 2024

As the summer holidays draw to a close, many parents, carers and guardians across the UK are preparing to support their children through the transition from primary to secondary school. Our friends at the childhood bereavement charity Winston’s Wish share some helpful tips on supporting a grieving child through this transition…

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At Winston’s Wish, we know that moving up from primary to secondary school can sometimes be a difficult new chapter for grieving children. New feelings, worries, endings and saying goodbye can be difficult for bereaved children. For some, it can feel like another loss on top of their grief.  

Here are seven useful tips for making the transition from primary to secondary school easier for the bereaved child or young person in your life. 

1. Keep routines or establish new ones

In times of change, keeping existing routines can provide a sense of stability and comfort. Simple things like mealtimes and bedtimes are important parts of a routine that will make the transition to secondary school easier if you keep them the same. Maybe your child is still attending the same after school clubs or activities. Or maybe they go to the same person’s house on a Wednesday every week. Try to keep their routine if they already have things in place. 

If you don’t, consider creating a new routine – what an exciting opportunity! They might find some new clubs, activities, or places to attend groups. Encourage them to ask their teacher when they start the new term.

2. Embrace new friendships and maintain old ones

Making new friends can be exciting, but it’s also important for your child to stay connected with their friends from primary school. Balancing both old and new friendships will help as a support network for them during the transition to their new school. Encourage them to try to be open to meeting new people and expanding their social circle but remember it might be a good idea for them to prepare for some questions they might be asked.

Such as ‘what does your mum or dad do?’ Preparing them can help with having conversations around their important person who has died.

3. Stay organised

Moving up to secondary school might mean your child is going to have more homework and multiple subjects to manage. They might like to use a planner or digital tools to keep track of homework, tests and additional activities. Staying organised can help reduce stress and make them feel like they can stay on top of their work and responsibilities.

4. Encourage your child to ask for help when they need it

Your child’s new form tutor is probably the best person for them to check in with. They could ask their tutor who might be the right person in their school to talk to if they are feeling wobbly. If you haven’t already done so, you could pass on information about their bereavement, including milestone days that might be tricky for them such as anniversaries. 

Some children and young people also find certain subjects difficult to hear about, for example, Suicide Awareness Day or aspects of First Aid training. It’s helpful if this can be confidentially passed on so your child can be given the heads up if these subjects are going to be covered in class. 

Asking for support early on in the school year might prevent issues from getting bigger as time goes on, and the support from others may help your young person adjust to their new school more easily.

5. Sleep well

Summer holidays are great for staying up late, having sleepovers and lie ins, but big feelings can be harder to cope with if you don’t have enough sleep. In the last week or two of the summer holidays, it might be a good idea to encourage your child to start concentrating on getting back on top of their bedtime routine. Try relaxing baths, chilled out playlists and reading before bedtime rather than looking at screens.

6. Honour the memory of the person who died

It’s important for a child to find ways to honour the memory of their person as they move onto secondary school. They could create a special keepsake or get involved in an activity; we’ve shared a couple of ideas below to help you get started.  

Acknowledging grief and allowing your child or young person to feel their feelings is really important, especially in times of change.

7. Activities to do before going to secondary school

• Memory Box – create a special box with items that are connected to the person who has died. This could include photographs, small objects or meaningful items that the child or young person can connect memories to and get comfort from. 
• Beaded Bracelet – Making a beaded bracelet in memory of someone can be a helpful activity that your young person can wear or keep in their school bag. 
• Keyring – Create a special keyring in memory of their important person. It could be a photo, a drawing or something that reminds them of their loved one. 

Where to get support

Winston’s Wish is a charity that helps children, teenagers and young adults (up to the age of 25) find their feet when their worlds are turned upside down by grief. 

If you are an adult supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, please call Winston’s Wish at 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, weekdays) or email ask@winstonswish.org. They will be able to offer guidance, information and support.