Book competition: Your chance to win I Am A Wolf Tonight

April 2025

When London-based WAY member Thelma Ainsworth’s husband died suddenly of bile duct cancer in 2019, she started journalling about her experiences. From there, her debut memoir was born.

I Am A Wolf Tonight was published in March by Brown Dog Books and received national media coverage from the Independent to the Mirror. 

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“The title came from the fact that I had to tap into my ‘inner wolf’ in order to keep going and overcoming the numerous challenges that I had to face,” says Thelma, whose husband, Jonathan, died just three weeks after his cancer diagnosis:

“Overnight I became a widow and our two sons, Richard and Dominic, aged three and six at the time, were left without a father,” she explains.

“I was a lawyer, who had formerly served as an officer in the RAF and I had been on the cusp of returning to my legal career just before Jonathan became ill. I had also been previously diagnosed with PTSD following a difficult birth with my second son. It’s not surprising that, against this background, when Jonathan died, I really struggled to balance my grief, children, career and mental health issues.”

“My relationship with Jonathan had also been quite strained before he passed away, so my grief was not only devastating but very complex,” she adds. “As the years passed, I found solace in running and now run a half marathon twice a year, often to raise money for charities like Mind and MacMillan Cancer. I also turned to writing, as it was something I had always wanted to do.” 

It was in June 2020, around eight months after Jonathan died, that Thelma started to search for support from other people who’d been widowed at a young age too.

“I was feeling quite low and lonely at that point and I was wondering  if there were any resources I could tap into,” she says. “I discovered WAY quite quickly and, the more I read about it, the more I knew that this was what I needed. What I love about WAY is the fact that their Facebook group is subdivided into smaller groups so that those with the most in common can share ideas and give each other support. I belong to the WAY with children group as well as the WAY dealing with complex grief group. Reading other people’s posts makes me feel part of a community. And a little bit less alone.”

“I hope that my book can help other widows and widowers in a similar situation,” she says.

For a chance to win a copy of Thelma’s new book, please enter below by 12noon 5 May 2025

Here’s an extract from I Am A Wolf Tonight 

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When the doctor came back into the room her demeanour had changed. Her chattiness and good humour had been replaced with a loss of eye contact and a body language which now betrayed her discomfort. She was still friendly but as she talked her words became more rambling in nature: she was stalling. I should have known then, as Jonathan and I waited for her to get to the point that the news was not likely to be good. And yet, when she finally said the word ‘cancer’ I felt unable to breathe. Her words hung in the air of that sterile, white and impersonal hospital room. My mind was initially blank, struggling to catch up with what had been said. It was then followed by one question which went round and round in my head in an endless loop – is this really happening? Is this really happening? The doctor continued talking, attempting to walk the fine line between empathy and her duty to impart the important information we needed to know. I caught the words ‘pancreatic cancer’ before I turned to Jonathan. He already looked diminished: his frame noticeably smaller than it had been for a long time, his face more lined and looking so much older than his 58 years. He had a small smile on his face as he engaged in conversation with the doctor, a former colleague from his period as a trainee doctor.

It was as though he already knew.

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