Children’s Grief Awareness Week: Sharing Emma’s story

November 2025

Two years ago, we shared the story of WAY member and former primary school deputy headteacher, Emma Marfleet, along with the thoughtful resources she created to help her three sons navigate life after their father’s death. Now, two years on – to mark Children’s Grief Awareness Week – we’re returning to Emma’s story to share how her own experience is helping to improve bereavement support for children across the UK.

“It’s now over six years since Tom died, and while so much has changed in our family’s day-to-day life, small moments of connection to him remain at the heart of everything we do.  

The boys are growing fast, busy with school, sport and friends, and as they’ve grown (Daniel is 15, Matthew is 13 and Sam is nine), our continuing bond with Tom has changed shape. The monthly picture books and activities that once helped us talk about our feelings have given way to different kinds of conversations, about growing up and learning new things about their dad which they didn’t know to ask before. I often wonder how Tom and I would have worked together to raise teenage boys, and I miss the reassuring hugs he’d have given me as I navigate our family life without him.

I know that I must let our boys explore the world in their own way, but I also want them to never shy away from talking about their dad. Those moments where we pause amongst the busyness of family life and connect to what has happened strengthen us to carry on – and not in a ‘keep calm and carry on’ way, but because ‘we’ve got this’. 

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In many ways, grief is like a stone in your pocket. When it’s first placed there, it feels big and heavy, and all the sharp edges dig into you. Over time, the stone is still there – it will always be there – but feels less big, less heavy and the sharp edges become familiar and strangely comforting. There’s room in our lives now for new experiences and growth, whilst still honouring our love for Tom. 

As the winter nights begin to draw in, it’s time to light a candle for Tom on our doorstep and to watch his favourite films on a Saturday night. I’m looking forward to finding the advent calendar of challenges I made him during his final December tucked away with the Christmas decorations. I know the boys will ask more questions this year as their capacity to learn and understand more of what has happened grows with them. 

Developing deeper connections

Those past monthly moments shared with a picture book have evolved into developing deeper connections with not only their memories of Tom but also for the boys’ ability to name and process their feelings. Feelings that continue to shift and change as they grow. They no longer want to sit with me and make friendship bracelets, choosing colours of thread for different people who help them or decorate a stone with a happy memory of being with their dad. However, these are the foundations upon which they’re developing healthy coping strategies for adulthood. 

Watching my boys learn to express how they feel and to carry their story with confidence shows how important it is for every child to be given that same opportunity, space and support. This isn’t easy in the demands of managing family life, but as an ex-primary school teacher, I know that it can be done in our schools. 

Childhood Bereavement Network research found that 80% of teachers receive no training on coping with death, bereavement and grief. Many fear that they will upset a child if they mention the death of their parent, but I know from experience that the opposite is true. Talking about loved ones who have died helps bereaved children feel seen, supported and understood. It shapes how they see themselves and helps them to engage more fully with the world around them. 

Preparing schools for bereavement

I have worked closely with my boys’ primary school to provide training for all their staff, including admin and site teams. Together, we co-created a bespoke Bereavement Policy for that ‘break glass’ moment when a death affects a family in the school community. The school now has a dedicated bereavement support page on its website and writes Child Bereavement Care Plans with each bereaved family at the start of a new year. This work has had such a positive impact in my boys’ school that I now work with more to do the same.   

From September 2026, schools will be required to teach bereavement as part of the curriculum, and this change will hopefully help every child feel better supported for when loss touches their life. By the end of their time at primary school, children will have learnt that “change and loss, including bereavement, can provoke a range of feelings, that grief is a natural response to bereavement, and that everyone grieves differently.”

My hope is that schools will seek ways to teach this well, that they turn to picture books and creative craft activities to facilitate meaningful conversations about love, loss, death and grief, appropriate to the children’s stages of development. I also hope they will seek out training that reassures and empowers all their staff to support bereaved children not only in bereavement-specific lessons, but across the curriculum and in every area of school life. 

Over the last couple of years, I have built my own foundation to help schools support bereaved families like mine, turning that hope into reality. I have gone from the intimacy of sharing picture books and conversations about missing Tom with my own children, to working with St Mary’s University on child bereavement projects, delivering training to more schools, contributing my family’s story to a new book published this month: Supporting Bereaved Children in the Primary Classroom by Emma L. Palastanga, Poppy Gibson and Marie Greenhalgh, and speaking at the House of Lords to advocate for bereavement education, policies and training in every school. 

I know what schools can do, both practically and compassionately, to support bereaved children, and sharing my family’s story helps staff connect with what truly matters. Through The Marfleet Foundation, created in Tom’s name, I offer training, resources and advice that help teachers start gentle, honest conversations about bereavement and feel confident to respond when death touches their school community.  

Our family’s enduring connection to Tom remains at the heart of everything I do. I hope this work helps more schools give bereaved children the opportunity, space and support to express their feelings openly, confidently share memories of their loved one, and develop coping skills that will stay with them into adulthood.”