David’s story: running 400 miles for four charities

July 2024

When David’s wife died of cancer in November 2022, he quickly found the support of his local WAY Widowed and Young group to be invaluable – and he’s now raising funds for WAY to give back to the charity that has provided him with so much friendship, support and understanding.

In fact, over the course of the year, David is raising funds for four charities by running 400 miles. Here’s his story…

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When did you join WAY?

I joined WAY in December 2022, but actually I found out about it by chance earlier in the year when I was caring for my wife after her cancer diagnosis (it was a link through a link on another website that the hospice had sent us to support with discussions with our daughter).

By chance it was before the 2022 WAY Annual Big Picnic in May, and I reached out to WAY and asked if I could attend. Becky (my local volunteer) invited me along and I had the opportunity to meet some of the members, and find out more about WAY and the types of things that happen with peer to peer support.

I wasn’t eligible to join at the time, but knew I would be at some point in the coming months. I joined the month after my wife died.

How has WAY helped you and your daughter?

Probably the biggest help has been from a social perspective, and expanding my network of friends. Having spent three years supporting my wife with a terminal diagnosis, it’s hard to figure out how to move on with things afterwards (it becomes all consuming).

I’ve attended a number of in-person meetings and social events with the group and met a really supportive and engaged group (Becky does an amazing job of organising us and getting people to establish events). I’ve even hosted a couple of events myself now, as I can see the value and benefit to others (especially those who have been newly bereaved).

My daughter has come to a few events (probably to appease me). As a teenager there is obviously a lot of “why are you asking me to do this”? but she seems to enjoy them when she has participated. She has even made a few friends with other children of members in our group, and I think they converse via WhatsApp etc.

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Why raise funds for your four chosen charities?

Given my wife’s terminal diagnosis of three years, you have a lot of time to think about how things will be in the future, and address some of the more practical aspects of life. However, rarely do you think about the loneliness, or emptiness of living in the house and how that will feel.

WAY provided an avenue to break out of the day-to-day routine, do something for myself and meet other people, which has been invaluable.

I chose to challenge myself and raise funds for Cancer Research UK, Harry’s Rainbow (child bereavement support for my daughter), WAY Widowed and Young, and Willen Hospice (which provided palliative and end-of-life care for my wife). All four charities have helped and supported my family during the last months of my wife’s life, and since her passing.

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What advice would I give for other widowed dads?

It seems that engaging in support/bereavement services is quite uncommon among men (I don’t know if that’s bravado or unconscious thoughts of these services not being needed). I know from Harry’s Rainbow that it’s very rare for dads to actively engage, and as such you can feel like a minority.

I felt it was important to leverage the support available, both for my daughter and myself. I’ve managed to meet a lot of great people through WAY, and have been inspired by how strong and supportive of each other they are. I would say you get out what you put in, so join the sessions, engage and have some fun. I’ve always felt welcomed in the group, and never felt out of place (even if I’ve sometimes been the only male participant).

Most importantly if there is a type of event that you would like to have, be bold and organise it. There are lots of like-minded people that lurk in the groups, and wait for the opportunity to participate. We have even recently organised some men’s events such as drinks and dinners.