Day of Reflection: Learning to live again after loss
March 2025
To mark this Day of Reflection, WAY member Eileen reflects on the three years since she lost her partner Scott to COVID-19 and how she is learning to live this new life without him…
“My grief journey began on 28 October 2021, when I lost my partner, Scott, due to COVID-19 complications. He had been undergoing treatment for nephrotic syndrome, a condition affecting his kidneys, when he contracted the virus in September 2021. Despite his caution and vaccinations, his weakened immune system left him vulnerable.
When his oxygen levels dropped, he was rushed to hospital and put on an oxygen mask. At first, we thought he would recover. We didn’t think anything would happen as he was a healthy 49-year-old man. He even reassured me over a video call that he’d likely be in for about a week (at that time, we were still unable to visit due to lockdown).
But within days, Scott’s oxygen levels plummeted. His doctors called me one morning at 5.30am – when you receive a call at that time in the morning it can only be bad news. They had decided to intubate him. As soon as they said that, I knew deep down he wasn’t going to get out of this.
I spoke to him just before they put him under – I was trying to be strong for him, just telling him I loved him, and it was for the best and they would look after him. He couldn’t speak by that point as his breathing was so bad and that has remained etched on my mind. That was the last conversation I had with him.
A blur of hospital visits
A week later thankfully restrictions were lifted, and we were then allowed to visit the hospital. Me, Scott’s sister and his Mum were the only family members allowed to visit. We had to wear protective clothing still as we were going into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Nothing prepares you for the shock of going into an ICU – it was horrific seeing Scott hooked up to all the various machines keeping him alive.
The next month passed in a total blur. It was like being in a nightmare, visiting the hospital and hoping there would be an improvement. It was a constant battle to keep him stable. We had various discussions throughout that month with the consultants but the complications were stacked against him. Once they told us one of his lungs had collapsed and that his other organs were starting to fail, we really knew it was only a matter of time…
On 28 October, I got the call no one ever wants to receive. There was nothing more they could do. At 6.05pm, his life support machines were switched off.
Scott and I had been together for 32 years, after we were introduced by a mutual friend. We never married, never had children – we just had our beloved dogs. Those first few weeks after he died passed by in a fog. I went into automatic pilot, sorting out his financials and arranging the funeral.
It didn’t really kick in for me properly, I don’t think, until around the six-month mark. I believe I was in shock up until then. I did have some dark thoughts in those first few months. Thankfully I had my dog Bella to keep me going – she motivated me to get out of bed in the mornings.
About six months after Scott died, I came across the peer support network WAY Widowed and Young. I was looking for some support from people who understood, as I was still on the waiting list for counselling. I joined a few of the WAY online platforms and heard stories from others on this journey so I didn’t feel so alone. I have also been to a few face-to-face meetups and made some friends locally. Along with my counselling, WAY has been invaluable in helping make this journey a bit easier.
After being part of WAY for almost a year, I decided to be a guest on the Widowed AF podcast, which was set up by a former WAY member, Rosie. I chose to do this to help me and also to hopefully help someone else going through this difficult process. I was very nervous about doing it but glad I did. I found it very therapeutic – it was almost like a counselling session as it helped me release some emotions.
“I am choosing to live on for Scott”
Now, I’m just over three years on, and its only in recent months I have wanted to start living this new life. It takes time to accept you can’t go back and you can either give up or keep going. I am choosing to live on for Scott. I have been trying to do some things to bring me joy. I have travelled on my own and even got up to sing karaoke when I know I can’t sing! I recently did a firewalk over burning embers to raise funds for the Mental Health Foundation!
I have joined a meetup group to get me out and meet new people. I have my friends who support me, but feel I need to spread my wings a bit now.
For anyone just starting this painful journey, my advice is simple: take it day by day, or even minute by minute when it feels too much. Be kind to yourself. Accept help. You don’t have to do this alone. There are other people out there who understand what you’re going through so do reach out…”
Listen to Eileen’s interview on the Widowed AF Podcast here
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