Finding friendship: Helping to see the future again

July 2025

Caz, who lives in Surrey, lost her partner of ten years to Stage 4 Bowel cancer in September 2018. WAY Ambassador Caro, who lives in Essex, lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack in December 2019. Caro takes up the tale of their friendship…

“We first met on a Zoom call during lockdown in 2020 set up by WAY members without children (WOCs). We realised we shared a lot in common, not least our names, although neither of us actually go by Caroline. Our partners were also both called Steve.

In-person meetings were not possible for a long time during the pandemic, but we met at a post lockdown meeting for WAY members without children to see one of our group perform in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. About 12 people attended, and it was a lovely day and my first trip out since losing my husband.

Caz and I continued meeting at other events and found ourselves to be kindred spirits, with common interests and a mutual understanding of our new paths. From there followed theatre trips, sometimes with other WAY members without children and sometimes just with each other or with other friends.

We both worked in difficult high-stress environments, in roles that could not be easily shared with others. We found that we both understood the specific challenges of our professional working lives, and we have become a great support for one another.

Having someone that ‘gets it’ on similar timelines means that we can be ourselves. We don’t need to put on an act or censor the pain we might be feeling.

We have both benefitted from the social events and online support for WAY members without children. For both of us there was safety in being in a space where the topic of children wouldn’t come up and blindside us. Don’t get me wrong, we both love kids. We have nieces and nephews and friends with children, but following the loss of a partner, this can be a difficult and emotive subject.

We also have a safe space for our shared dark humour (I think a lot of widows have this) and for the bad days. Although these have become fewer for both of us over the years, they still happen and we have each other for support.

There is joy to be found in community, and being surrounded by people who have an understanding of your situation. It allows you to navigate the journey and see the future again. We are not living the life we expected, but, having found a deep friendship together, we are able to enjoy life again.”