How to support your grieving child as they prepare to return to school

August 2025

Going back to school after someone important has died can be incredibly difficult for a child or young person. Whether it’s their first time returning after a recent loss, or they’re navigating a new school year, months or even years later, these transitions can bring up strong feelings and anxieties.

Our friends at childhood bereavement charity Winston’s Wish have shared some ways you can help support your grieving child as they prepare to return to school.

Speak to the school

Let your child’s school or new teacher know about their bereavement. Whether they’re starting a new school or just moving up a year, it’s important that staff are aware of what your child has experienced. Information isn’t always passed on, so even if your child is staying at the same school it can help to speak to their new teacher/tutor.

As well as letting them know about your child’s bereavement, you could let them know about any significant dates (e.g. anniversaries or Mother’s/Father’s Day) or topics (e.g. lessons about first aid or illnesses) that might be difficult for your child.

It can also help to find out what support is in place for your child. Is there someone they can speak to or a way for them to take some time out if things become overwhelming? Do their teachers understand that potential behaviour changes could be related to their grief?

Talk to your child

All children and young people are different. Some might look forward to going back to school and look forward to the routine and distraction from their grief. Others might be nervous about going back to school. Maybe they are worried about being separated from you or having to talk to friends about their bereavement. The best way to find out is to talk to them about it.

If they are worried about something, try to talk it through and offer solutions and reassurance. Ask what might help them feel less worried about going back to school. Help them think about what they might do if they feel sad or angry or worried at school and who they could ask for help.

Once they are back at school, talk to your child regularly about how it is going. Celebrate wins, big or small, acknowledge the hard days and remind them that it’s okay to ask for help.

Help with their separation anxiety

It’s common for children to be worried about being separated from their important people after someone has died. This can make returning to school particularly hard.

Here are a few ideas that may help:

Listen to your child’s fears and try not to downplay their feelings – feeling validated and heard can help reduce their anxiety
Slowly introduce smaller separations to work up to the school day
Offer lots of reassurance – let them know when you are going, where you are going and when you will be back
Let them take a small item to school that reminds them of you or of home – some people like to have identical items (like two teddies); the child keeps one and the parent keeps the other
Plan something special to do together after school
Create a short goodbye ritual that’s comforting and consistent.

Help your child handle difficult questions at school

These could be questions directly about their bereavement – children can often be blunt – or indirect questions that trigger their grief. For example: ‘Is your dad picking you up?’ ‘Are both your parents coming to parents evening?’.

These questions can catch grieving children off-guard. It can really help to prepare and practise responses together. Let them know it’s up to them how much they want to share and with who. Their response could be as simple as: ‘My mum died last year. I’m still really sad, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.’

Help them prepare for bad days

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. A school day might feel fine one moment and overwhelming the next. Maybe a particular topic, like illness related to how their person died, comes up in class. Or there is a class activity to draw a family tree or make Father’s Day cards.

Help your child to think through a plan for these moments. Who can they go to for support at school? Could they call or text you at lunchtime if they need to? Would it help to have something in their pocket or bag that brings them comfort?

Encourage your child to identify someone at school they trust. This might be their form tutor, a learning mentor or a teaching assistant. See if they can arrange a scheduled check in or be allowed to go to this person if they feel overwhelmed at school.

About Winston’s Wish

Winston’s Wish is a charity that helps children, teenagers and young adults (up to the age of 25) find their feet when their worlds are turned upside down by grief.

If you’re an adult supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, you can call Winston’s Wish on 08088 020 021, email ask@winstonswish.org or use the live chat on their website (all available 8am-apm, weekdays). They will be able to offer guidance, information and support.