Serica’s story: Running for WAY

April 2025

West Midlands-based WAY member Serica is raising funds for our charity in the AJ Bell Great Birmingham Run on 4 May in memory of her husband Stephen. Here’s her story…

Stephen was the love of my life and we had been together since March 2007. I met him through my older brother, as they played football together from his early adult years. In May 2024, Stephen was ill with a cough for weeks, which he could not get rid of. After chest pains and a visit from the paramedics, I took him into A&E and they found a shadow on his lung. 

We feared the worst and, while we were waiting for his MRI scan, he began to get really ill with breathing difficulties. The hospital sent him for a lung function test and 24 hours later I was driving him back to A&E. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and an emergency chest drain was fitted. Tests showed that he had sepsis. Two days later he was showing great improvement and was well enough to be transferred to a specialist respiratory ward. I went to see him later in the day but I was concerned he looked unwell and a little down.

We watched Emmerdale together, I kissed him goodnight and then I went home. The next day I received a call from the hospital. They asked the questions that you know mean something is wrong. How far away was I? Was I on my own? Could I come in as soon as possible? I felt sick and I don’t really remember much after this. I just knew when I arrived at the hospital that I had lost him. He died from a pulmonary embolism. A strong, fit ex paratrooper and a serving firefighter. He had never had a sick day off from work in 16 years. It was totally out of the blue with no warning signs.

Our lives were shaken to the core.

How did you navigate those first few weeks and months after Stephen died?

I can honestly say I don’t remember how I coped in the first six weeks. I was in planning mode, just like I had been for our wedding two years earlier.

In the weeks after his funeral, I was so lonely. Everyone stopped visiting and my reality hit. I began to put up such a mental block that I thought I was coping and went back to work as a teacher in September. Needless to say, I didn’t cope and could barely keep my head above water with all the new jobs and chores I now had to do. The administrative tasks built up and within five weeks I was a mess. Stressed, tired and unable to function fully mentally. 

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The whole situation was made worse at the beginning of October due to it being Stephen’s birthday. I don’t know what I expected but the day didn’t go as well as I thought it would and I suffered a flashback to the day of his funeral. I had a breakdown and after returning to work 12 weeks after his death, I couldn’t get out of bed. I began to get back on my feet by exercising and attending WAY socials or meet ups. I also found great comfort in talking to others on the WAY Facebook pages and groups.

I was given WAY’s email address a few weeks after Stephen died by a family member. I had previously joined a support group for my alopecia and benefited so much so I knew that, even though it had only been a few weeks, this is what I needed. No one else understood how I felt.

When did you join WAY and how has it helped you?

I joined WAY in July 2024 and I attended my first WAY event in September 2024. It was the AGM and it had only been four months since I lost my husband. I booked it, then cancelled it, then booked it again. I changed my mind so many times and felt sick turning up on that first morning through fear. As the day went on I settled, despite crying most of the morning and feeling lost. I wanted to go home but luckily I spoke to my allocated buddy at lunchtime. The kindness and understanding she showed me was unparalleled. 

I then went on to meet my new best friend in Ellie, who was also early on in her journey. We just automatically hit it off. The spa, dinner and dance provided further opportunities to meet people who just get it and fully support you with their kindness.

Since then I have attended online meetings as a new member and been part of the sudden and traumatic online group. I have also attended local group meetings in two different areas. You can even find interest groups. I have watched ‘Love Actually’ as part of a Zoom call at Christmas, with friends I met through this charity!

WAY has been instrumental in providing me with a safe space to release my thoughts and feelings in a variety of ways, with people who never judge and have a wealth of experiences. I have been able to work through my grief and find ways to deal with the down days. There is always someone to listen at any time of the day, which I have found invaluable.

Do you have any tips for other people who’ve been widowed young?

I would say to just do what makes you feel better, even though most of the time you feel like nothing ever will. It can be small things like getting up, having a bath, going for a walk or sitting outdoors. Eventually you will feel ready to tackle the bigger things like shopping or talking to neighbours.

Be kind to yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself to do anything. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. You may just need some support to get you over any hurdles. Ask for help when you feel ready to accept it through your GP, charities or a counsellor. I have had help from all three just to get me to where I am now but I didn’t ask for help for months as I wasn’t ready to receive it.

Have a variety of ideas for specific or special days. Tell people what you do and don’t want so they can support you on what will be the emotional days. You may not think you need support but it will be there subconsciously. 

Engage with the social events and meetings that WAY provides. As hard as it feels to see people in those early days, some of them will become friends for life if you take that leap of faith. 

Why should people support your fundraiser? 

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When you’re widowed at a young age no one will ever understand how you feel unless they have been through it at an early age too. This charity is therefore a lifeline to so many people who have no one else to talk to. Empathy is so much more meaningful when it comes from those who know how you feel.

Donations are the only way this charity can continue to provide what they do year on year, so please give what you can.

I cannot thank people enough for supporting my fundraiser. No matter how small the donation, it is gratefully received and enables this charity to continue providing the valuable support needed for young widows across the UK. We thank you a hundred times over as you are truly improving lives.