Supporting each other through tough times: Volunteer Liz’s story

May 2025

WAY volunteer Liz explains how she became a volunteer for WAY Widowed and Young to give back to the charity that was a lifeline for her by supporting other people who’ve been widowed at a young age.

My name is Liz. I joined WAY after my husband MJ died at the start of lockdown. MJ and I had been together for 25 years, married for 20. He was my best friend. Our story started long before we became a couple – my university friends were his great school friends. We would see each other at events and talk for hours, but neither of us was brave enough to ask the other out or swap numbers.

One weekend, I was staying at his friend’s family home and had a cheeky look through his ‘little black book’ because he denied having his number – despite being close friends. Turns out, MJ had asked the same friend for my number too but had been refused! Eventually, fate stepped in, and we found our way to each other.

We started our life together in Dulwich and gradually moved further out of London – first to Tunbridge Wells, then Tonbridge, as it was better for commuting and bringing up our girls.

In summer 2017, MJ found a lump in his thigh. It was a sarcoma. It grew rapidly, and despite radiotherapy and surgery, by spring 2018, it had already spread to his lungs. He carried on working full time, took up cycling and did spin classes – although he looked strong outwardly, inside, the cancer was spreading. By January 2020, it had reached his heart. There was a sudden downturn in energy, and we lost him in April that year, just as the first lockdown was announced. He was only 48.

MJ was a very private person. He didn’t share his emotions easily, but he made sure to have age-appropriate conversations with our daughters, who were 16 and 12 at the time.

Our eldest was everyone’s rock, holding everything – and everyone – together, even though I’m sure she hasn’t really grieved properly to this day. Our youngest struggled and kept things to herself, but she had good friends and they went on walks together, which helped.

Lockdown, strangely, felt like a blessing. It was a layer of protection – everyone was living a surreal existence, so we were able to duck under the radar while we figured out how to cope. Friends brought us brownies, plants, offers of support. Colleagues would knock and we’d go for sunny lockdown walks. People offered for us to bubble with them, and I’ll always be grateful.

Finding a way forward

When the funeral director offered me May 4th as the date of MJ’s funeral, I bit their hand off – MJ was a huge Star Wars fan. It was meant to be. Only ten guests were allowed, and his best friend – a pastor – led the service. It was private, low-key, just how MJ would have wanted it.

Afterwards, friends sent us a pizza delivery, and the girls wanted to play loud music. I always follow their lead.

Once the funeral was over, I was invited to a Zoom bereavement group, but it wasn’t for me – it was mostly older people mourning spouses of a different generation. I just couldn’t relate. I genuinely can’t remember how I heard about WAY Widowed and Young – maybe through the funeral service or the Zoom group. But it changed everything. I met up with another new member for drinks – we got on so well. We shared our stories and ended up staying out for dinner.

WAY was and is an absolute lifeline. I’m a very positive person and try to take all the opportunities that come my way, especially after everything that has happened. I always like to give back, and now I help welcome new members, show them what WAY is all about, and encourage them to come along to meet ups.

WAY really is the club no one wants to join – but it’s a way of supporting each other through tough times. As an Area Contact for my local area in Kent, I love to bring people together and watch connections grow. Members have gone on to form special friendships and subgroups have formed according to interests, which is brilliant. We all come together for larger events.

I’ve become more of a risk-taker over the years. I’d rather try something than regret not giving it a go. Groups can be daunting, but you find your people – whether it’s quiet meet-ups or larger gatherings, everyone has benefitted from attending and meeting those who just get it.

There’s no handbook, no set timeline. We’re all unique, and so are our situations. Volunteering is a great way to give back and help others – especially those who are shy or struggling to get involved. If I can help someone feel less alone, then it’s worth it.

If you’d like to find out more about volunteering for WAY, please reach out to National Volunteer Manager Veronica