Tips for supporting a bereaved child with SEND

October 2025

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Supporting a bereaved child with special educational needs (SEND) can be challenging, especially when you are also grieving. There is no one-size-fits-all approach but our friends at childhood bereavement charity Winston’s Wish have shared some tips to help you support your child. Use these to guide you but do what feels right for your family and adapt for your child’s needs. 

Make sure information is appropriate to your child’s understanding

Children have different understandings of death or loss depending on their age. Younger children tend to know that someone is missing but might not understand the finality of death and expect them to come back. For children with SEND, this understanding depends on their developmental level rather than their chronological age. 

Use simple, direct and age-appropriate language. Use words like ‘died’ or ‘dead’ rather than euphemisms like ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’, which can be confusing. Don’t overload them with information;      instead, give the facts in small chunks, bit by bit, so they can process them. Match your explanation to their level of understanding and expect to repeat information, sometimes many times, and allow for questions. 

Make sure everyone involved with your child uses the same information and language to be consistent. 

Use your child’s preferred communication methods

If your child uses sign language, symbols, communication aids, or a PODD book,  use these tools when giving information. When we are told difficult news, this can impact our ability to use certain skills, such as communication, so having supporting tools may be useful even if a child has verbal skills.

Acknowledge their grief, even if it doesn’t look typical

Even when a child seems to have limited understanding, they will still be affected by a death. They will pick up emotional shifts, changes in routines and the responses of those around them. 

Some children may not outwardly display sadness in the expected ways. That doesn’t mean they’re not grieving. Monitor for changes from their usual behaviour and emotions as this may be a sign of distress.

Let them show their emotions in their own way while gently offering opportunities to express them through drawing, movement or      tactile play. Encourage them to ask questions and take them seriously, even if they seem unusual or irrelevant, and provide truthful, age-appropriate responses. 

Prepare them for rituals and events and possible sensory difficulties

Sensory aspects of grief rituals like funerals and memorials can be overwhelming for children with SEND –      for example, unusual spaces, smells and large crowds can be challenging. Try to prepare them as much as possible. Maybe you could visit the venue or provide a walk-through. Where possible, you could let your child bring a favourite blanket or sensory toy and choose comfortable clothing for them to wear. 

Help them to cope with change that comes with a bereavement

Many children with SEND, especially children with autism, struggle with change. The death of someone close often brings many changes in routine and environment – for example, changes in caregiving and events like funerals and memorials. Try to keep routines as familiar as possible and prepare your child in advance for anything that is out of the ordinary.

Look after yourself too

Remember that you are also grieving. Build a support network of family, friends, professionals who understand SEND and your child and use them to share the load of supporting your child. They can help reinforce the explanations you give, repeat information and accompany your child to difficult events like funerals, especially if you’re struggling with your own grief. Get specialist help if you need it. 

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About Winston’s Wish

Winston’s Wish is a charity that helps children, teenagers and young adults (up to the age of 25) find their feet when their worlds are turned upside down by grief. 

If you’re an adult supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, you can call Winston’s Wish on 08088 020 021, email ask@winstonswish.org or use the live chat on their website (all available 8am-8pm, weekdays). They will be able to offer guidance, information and support.