Ways to cope with anniversaries, birthdays and special days when supporting a bereaved child

February 2025

We’re well into 2025 and for those supporting bereaved children or young people, you might be coming up to anniversaries, birthdays and special days. 

Whether it’s your first or not, notable days like Valentine's Day can be difficult, so our friends at Winston’s Wish want to share ways in which you can support the children and young people in your life. 

Should you remember the day or avoid it?

Everyone’s grief is individual and when the notable days roll around, the children you’re supporting may have mixed feelings. 

It’s important to be mindful of the upcoming anniversaries or notable dates like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day and help children make a conscious decision of how to manage the day. 

Some may want to avoid the day altogether and do something to distract them. Others may want to embrace the day and remember their important person. 

Ask them what they want to do and make a plan for the day. 

It’s also normal for children and young people to feel differently to the previous year. Make sure you keep exploring with those you’re supporting how they want to mark those notable days. 

Ways to help children cope on anniversaries

It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by, notable days can feel difficult to face. 

Prepare by showing those you’re supporting how to look after and be kind to themselves. Let them know that – whatever they are feeling and however they want to spend anniversaries, birthdays or special days – it is okay. 

Encourage them to ask for support, whether that be from you or someone they trust. Help them see that the feelings they had for their important person can be just as strong, even if they are not physically with them. 

Make sure to set aside time for everyone to relax on these days. Having a small break, even if it’s playing on their Xbox or eating nice food, can make the day feel a little easier. 

As a parent or carer, it’s equally important that you also practise self-care. Special days can be difficult for you as well, and when you look after yourself, it shows your children they can do that too. 

10 ways to mark anniversaries  

There’s no right or wrong way to mark notable days, even if you’re avoiding the day entirely, but here are ten ways the children and young people in your life could remember their important person. 

• Light a candle, put up a picture or place items of importance around their room or house, so they can remember their person.
• Encourage them to make or write a card. They can take this to their important person’s grave, the place where their ashes are scattered or even keep it with them. 
• You could also get them to write a letter, poem or song, starting with something like: “If you came back for five minutes, I’d tell you…” 
• Ask family members or friends to write special memories and send them to those you’re supporting. They can keep them in a book or hang them up. 
• Let them tune out the world by listening to their favourite music. 
• Build a memory box with your children, and fill them with photos, tickets or aftershave that reminds them of their important person. 
• Help them create a digital memory board of special photos on social media and ask others to contribute to it. It’s a great way to create their ‘life story’ in pictures. 
• Come together to cook their important persons favourite meal, sweet or even order in their favourite takeaway. 
• Encourage them to reach out to friends and family who also like to remember their important person. This could be in-person or through video calls. 
• Let them treat themselves to something that they connect to the person who died by using the money they would have spent on a gift. 

Where to get support

If you are supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, please call Winston’s Wish on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, weekdays), email ask@winstonswish.org or use their live chat (8am-8pm, weekdays). They will be able to offer guidance, information and support.

You can also access the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger which is available 24/7 for urgent support. Text WW to 85258.