World Cancer Day: Olivia's story
February 2025
This World Cancer Day, we are thinking of everyone who has lost a partner to cancer. Nearly 50% of WAY Widowed and Young’s members have been bereaved to cancer, including Olivia, whose husband Graeme died of bowel cancer last January at the age of 41. Here’s their story…
“I was widowed at 36 when my husband, Graeme, died of metastatic bowel cancer – a month after his diagnosis in December last year. He was just 41. He had only been ill for a few weeks before we got the devastating news. It all happened so fast that we never really had time to come to terms with what was happening before he died. I was still getting to grips with navigating NHS cancer care, looking after Graeme, and suddenly, I was thrown into widowhood without much notice.
The first few weeks were such a blur. It’s the worst time to organise a funeral because you have no idea what you’re doing and can’t deal with anything. Family and friends came around every day, helping me sort things out. But after the funeral, the bleakest point hit – because that’s it, it’s over. You can’t begin to process what’s happened.
I was in so much shock – I think I never got over the shock of Graeme’s diagnosis before he died. You can’t really comprehend it…
Remembering Graeme
Graeme and I had known each other for a long time. He was originally friends with my sister, and over time, our paths kept crossing. Eventually, we spent more time together, and things grew organically. We were together for about six and a half years before getting married on the sixth anniversary of our first date – 6 May – so we only had to remember one day!
Graeme was a massive hiker. Not long before we got together, he completed the coast-to-coast walk, and he got me into hiking too. We often went to the Lake District, which I always thought was his favourite place in the world. That’s where I think of him now.
He was also a passionate gardener. When we moved into our flat, he completely re-landscaped our garden, turning it from a blank space into something beautiful. It was his pride and joy. He was also a voracious reader, getting through 40 to 50 novels a year, and he loved football and cricket. Coming from Newcastle, he was a big Newcastle United fan, of course.
Cancer diagnosis
Graeme’s illness started in mid-November 2023 with a cough. The doctor said it was a chest infection and prescribed antibiotics. It improved slightly but then plateaued. Then came the pain in his side. At first, we thought it might be a stomach ulcer, then a gallbladder issue. By December, he was getting very ill – certain foods, even just milk in his tea, caused him immense pain.
Two weeks before Christmas, things escalated. The GP ordered urgent blood tests and a chest X-ray. That evening, they called and told us to go to A&E because one of his liver markers was off. He was admitted to a ward, and after a series of scans, the doctors told us they had found lesions in his liver and suspected cancer. On 22 December, just before the labs closed down for Christmas, we got the biopsy results: bowel cancer.
The oncologist appointment on 29 December confirmed how bad it was. It had already spread to his liver, lungs and lymph nodes. There was only one chemotherapy option, and best case, he might have two to three years if the tumours shrank. He started chemo immediately, but after just two rounds, his condition deteriorated. Liver failure set in, and by the end of January, he was admitted to a hospice. He died the next day. In the end, it was just me and Graeme in the hospice room when he died. I think that’s what he wanted. He was a very unfussy person.
Navigating widowhood
In those early days, I don’t know how I did it – I just did. I got up every day because Graeme got up every day, even when he was very ill. I found solace in walking – being outside helped me process things in a way sitting at home on the sofa couldn’t. I had no choice but to adjust to living alone. We didn’t have kids, so it was just me in the flat we had shared. It was a huge adjustment.
Going back to work was another challenge. I had started a new job in October 2023, just before Graeme got sick. I took bereavement leave and only went back part-time in July. But I couldn’t stay in that job because of the associations with Graeme. So, I started a new job in outdoor conservation in January 2025, and it has been a really positive change. It’s a small organisation, and there’s more on-site work, which I needed. My last role was mostly work-from-home, and I needed the contact with people.
Finding support
I found WAY’s peer support network for young widowed people quite soon after Graeme died in February 2024, when I was sorting out paperwork and the funeral. I knew I needed support but didn’t want to be in a group where everyone was 90. When I joined WAY, the weekly Zoom calls for new members were invaluable. It was reassuring to connect with others going through the same thing.
At first, some of the things people said terrified me. But over time, I realised that it was part of the process. There was no judgement. You can rant and rave and everyone’s like, ‘yeah, I’ve been there!’ I’d say to people who are joining WAY to do it sooner rather than later so you get a flavour of it all.
I’ve been to one in-person meetup so far. I’m quite introverted and shy, so walking into a pub to find a table of strangers you’ve never met before is quite intimidating, but everyone was really lovely and friendly. They all instantly know why you’re there, which kind of takes the pressure off.
I started therapy through the hospice where Graeme died, which helped.
I also hiked the Dales Way – 80 miles over seven days, from Otley to Bowness-in-Windermere. Graeme and I had planned to do it together but I decided to do it alone, to prove to myself that I was strong enough to get through it. It actually really helped me see that I’ve survived so much to be here today.
It was a fantastic trip and I feel like it also gave me a little bit of peace at the end. I just felt more comfortable with myself because I’m not the person I was before and I can’t ever be that person again. It’s like the scales have fallen from your eyes and you become a bit hardened. But it’s nice to do something for yourself and come to terms with the person that you are becoming.
Moving forward
My advice to other people who’ve been widowed is: trust the process and trust yourself. I felt lost at first – unsure and indecisive – but I learned that if you trust yourself, you’ll get through it in some way. In those darkest days, you just need to know that you will get through to the other side. It will be different – you will be a different person – but that’s okay.
A lot of people will give you opinions on grief, and most of them haven’t lost a partner. You don’t have to listen to them. Do what’s right for you.
This Christmas, I worked until Christmas Eve morning, then had some quiet time at home. I spent Christmas afternoon with friends – lots of food and champagne, which felt right. I couldn’t do a traditional family Christmas. Then, I went to Spain on 27 December to see my dad and stepmum, to get away from the anniversary of Graeme’s diagnosis.
I do feel more settled in myself and who I am now, which has a certain calmness to it. I’ve still not accepted it at all and I’m really, really angry. I think I always will be angry at the unfairness of it all, but you have to just live with it.
I actually feel quite good about making plans now. I’m starting to think about things for myself, which is a big change, like redecorating plans for our flat. And I’m hoping to hike up in Scotland and hopefully walk up Ben Nevis. That’s my ideal for this year because then I’ll have done all three peaks of the UK.
I feel a lot more steady in myself than I was. I do feel changed as a person. Maybe I’m slightly stronger after all that I went through with Graeme. It required a whole lot of strength to be a cancer wife.”

To mark World Cancer Day, we asked WAY Widowed and Young members to share photographs of their loved ones who were lost to cancer. We don't just remember them today - we remember them every day...


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