Bereaved in the military community: Najette’s story

October 2026

Ahead of Remembrance Day, WAY member Najette reflects on the complex challenges of military widowhood, from raising two young children alone to navigating a profound shift in identity...

“When my husband Bobby died in 2022, I was left to raise our two young children alone – they were just three years and 10 months old at the time. Now they are 8 and 5.

Beyond the devastating primary loss of my husband and the future we had planned together, the specific challenges of my widowhood lay in the profound shifts in identity. I had to navigate the transition from being a wife and a military wife, to feeling like neither. This brought a deep sense of secondary loss – a fear that I no longer belonged in our close-knit army community, alongside a shift in friendship groups where Bobby and I had always existed as a couple.

Crucially, our grief didn’t begin when Bobby died; it began the day he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. That was the moment our life turned upside down. Following his death, I had to manage the rising fear in my children that I might die too, navigating my own grief journey while simultaneously supporting theirs.

My background as a relationship counsellor and my current work as a life and mindset coach gave me the psychological tools to navigate this. Combined with the incredible support of family, friends and charities like WAY, I have faced the hard inner healing work required to evolve. This chapter has demanded every ounce of my inner strength, resilience and courage as I began life again, discovered who I am now and found meaning in this new chapter as a woman and a mother.

What support have you found most useful?

The army has been incredibly supportive from the moment Bobby was diagnosed right through to the present day. Knowing I can always rely on them brings immense comfort. I now serve as a Voluntary Committee Board Member for the Royal Engineers Association (REA), helping oversee the benevolent support that was so vital to us.

WAY’s bereavement counselling support service has been such a huge blessing for me; the six sessions package and ‘in the moment’ support has been absolutely fantastic. I have called countless times over the past 4.5 years and it’s been a real life line when life felt heavy, noisy or dark.

We are also under the wing of the military bereavement charity Scotty’s and my children are members. I have received support in the way of community and they’re a great reminder that we still belong in the military community and that we’re not alone in losing an army parent/spouse.

Combined with the unwavering love of our family and friends, this network of support has given us the strength to move forward.

How has WAY helped you?

I joined WAY in May 2022 and it has been so helpful in so many ways. Feeling connected with others who understand and get it. The Facebook group, the newsletters and the counselling support have all been a lifeline.

I also recently attended my first WAY event – WAY’s AGM. It was such good fun, filled with laughter, easy conversations and stories that were heartfelt, humbling and often humorous. There was shared joy in new experiences, friendships formed and the connections made. It was great to connect with others who understood what it was like to walk in my shoes, each at different stages of their journey and with their own unique experiences to share.

It was a validating and refreshing experience, leaving me with a deep sense of connection and belonging.

I am also a member of the WAY military subgroup. It felt comforting to know there were others military family members. And I’ve made some new connections and new friends.

Do you have any advice for others who’ve been widowed within the military community?

My advice is to lean on the support of WAY, be kind and compassionate to yourself, wherever you are in your journey, and know that it’s OK not to be OK. It’s also OK to keep moving forward, achieving things you are passionate about – things that bring you light and happiness.

What does Remembrance Day mean for you and your family?

Remembrance Day means reflecting on the valiant service of all those we have lost, with so much gratitude. Their bravery, courage, sacrifice and dedication will always be remembered. For us as a military family, we are so proud of Bobby for all he achieved in his lifetime and his 12 years of service to crown and country.

I feel proud and grateful to be part of the military family. It is also so important for our children, helping them feel a closeness to their dad, and I know they feel so proud to say that their daddy was a soldier.

This year, we will visit Bobby’s grave as we usually do, spending time in reflection and together. We will read some of the poems Bobby wrote in the few months before he passed, light a candle, and place it in the candle holder we received from Scotty’s. We may also attend this year's local Remembrance Sunday service and parade in our area, as we have done in previous years.

In a few years to come, I will join the Remembrance Sunday Cenotaph parade in person, walking either with Scotty’s alongside my children or with the Army Widows’ Association, of which I am also a member.

Resources for bereaved families within the military community

WAY is also a member of Cobseo - the Confederation of Service Charities.

Find more support if you’ve been widowed in the military community

Your donations are always welcome.

Donate