Coping with Christmas: Tips from WAY members
December 2024
Christmas can be especially tough and lonely for young widowed people. Getting through the festive season takes a lot of strength and a bit of creative thinking to help find comfort and connection. Here are some tips from our members about how they have coped with Christmas in previous years…
Amanda
“My personal top tips to get through Christmas Day...
Buy yourself a gift. If you can make it a surprise, even better (I took a bunch of stuff that I liked to the till... explained my situation then asked them to pick a few for me so I didn’t know exactly what I got) or ask a friend to help... or buy a mystery box online of some kind.
Do things you love. By far my biggest mindful get through the day tip is... Christmas Day is just a day. I miss Tom as much today as I will on Christmas Day and nothing could ever be worse than the day I lost him so it won’t be that bad...
If you’ve got kids... focus on them if it helps... just take it bit by bit... wake up... eat breakfast (presents if you’ve got kids that have been up since 3am), make a nice hot drink. Pop a film on, get snuggly.
Start to think about dinner... if you are alone, sit in the living room, have a lovely TV dinner. Keep your mind busy. Open your gifts at the same time as when you may think you are triggered most... or while eating your dinner, ring some family or friends to say Merry Christmas. If sitting and thinking is what’s worrying you, think of ways to fill the time.
You don’t have to have Christmas at all...
I only lost my Tom last November. It still doesn’t feel real and I avoid certain memories. I’m finding that, by filling spots with other things, I don’t feel quite as horrific
Don’t get me wrong I’m dreading it too but I know I’ll get through it.
Remember to take it bit by bit... it’s just a day that’s no different to any other. Big hugs.”
Rachel
“I’ve genuinely taken the pressure off myself when it comes to Christmas, and just lean into what feels right each year. The first year that meant basically ignoring the day, and now it means continuing with some traditions that Nick and I started, and bringing my daughter into them. So Nick and I had a tradition of buying a bauble each year for the tree, that reflected a trip, or event that we’d experienced that year. Now my daughter and I choose one, so by the time she’s grown up, we’ll have a tree that’s decorated with memories of our family story. This feels like a really lovely way to bring together both my previous and current life.
Every other year I’ve made a point of spending the holidays in our own house, but this year I’ve randomly decided to book a two-week trip abroad so that’s bucked that trend.”
Sarah
“After an awful first Christmas, we began to go to Butlins in between Christmas and New Year. I paid monthly throughout the year and it gave us something to look forward to. The kids were always busy there. We watched the shows, swam and it was somewhere that had no memories of James.
Also, plan some down time for yourself in between the seemingly endless carol concerts and school events. They are exhausting and emotionally draining so be gentle on yourself and your emotions. It’s fine to do nothing some days.
Also take comfort in your WAY friends. Keep posting, chatting online. It really helps you to feel less alone.”
Nicola
“Christmas is a difficult time for me and my 9 year old son. My son was a toddler when I lost my husband. He doesn’t have many memories of his father but I keep his memory alive with stories about him and photos and videos. Christmas is particularly hard for us as it is my late husband’s birthday on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day is the anniversary of him proposing to me. He was a musician and my son and I always go to his graveside on Christmas Eve and play my late husband’s music. It is always a struggle to afford presents. I manage to get a few but not as many as I would like. So, for the past few years I have signed him up to the WAY Secret Santa initiative where volunteers organise for WAY members to send my son gifts. They ask for his special interests – for my son it’s insects, factbooks and Lego, and he receives presents, which he puts under the tree. He is delighted when he opens the Secret Santa present, and it brings a little bit of joy to what is a really tough day. He is always so grateful, and I am grateful for the kindness of strangers. WAY volunteer Tracey, who organises the whole thing, does it not just for my son, but for all WAY children whose parents sign up to take part. It must be such a mammoth task and take so much organising. I am ever grateful to her for her kindness, and the kindness of others.”
Tracey
“I don’t think we’ve had a ‘traditional’ Christmas for years... the run up to Christmas for us is filled with helping out local charities with hampers for those less fortunate (living in Middlesbrough that’s a lot of families). Even my son enjoyed joining in. It’s not for everyone, but helping others distracts you from your pain for a while.”
Trudy
“With Christmas looming on the horizon, here’s something that hopefully may inspire some members of WAY to do the same.
It’s a Christmas tradition that started for us a few years ago.
My husband Sam and my girls’ Daddy is obviously no longer here to buy Christmas presents for, so we decided to spend some of the money we would’ve spent on presents doing a grocery shop to drop off at the food bank.
It’s great to get my girls involved in buying and delivering it to the food bank and I explain why some people need help.
Although there’s nothing we can do to stop the grief of not being a complete family anymore, we can help other families in need in a practical way over Christmas.
Then that helps to heal the hurt a little bit.”
Samantha:
“Christmas is such a difficult time for me as not only is it a very family oriented time and highlights what we are missing but it is also the same month my husband died as well as his birthday. Joining in with the WAY members’ Secret Santa gives me a reason to smile as there is no better feeling than giving a gift so someone who needs it more than they know. Buying for someone who I know is likely to be struggling with emotions and knowing I’m hopefully putting a smile on their face is priceless. Sharing an understanding of the grief they feel only serves to strengthen the feeling of happiness you hope to give them with a simple gift. I also opt to receive a gift as with no husband to buy for me the element of surprise in the gifts I do receive is limited! Receiving a gift from a WAY Santa means that I do get that surprise element back. That is enough to help raise my spirits on a difficult day and something I’m so grateful for. It’s such a simple idea but the WAY power of it is almost immeasurable and I will continue to be a part of it forever!”
If you’re struggling over the festive period, please know you are not alone. The WAY Widowed and Young community is here to support you.
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