Navigating Christmas after being widowed: Tips from WAY members

December 2025

December can be a challenging time when you’ve been widowed, particularly if you’re facing your first Christmas as a widow. Here are some self-care tips from our members about what has helped them cope with the feeling of loneliness and isolation at Christmas…

Rach

“This year it will be my fourth Christmas without my Chris. I will again spend it completely alone as I have no living family members, no extended family, and am child-free.

I keep telling people I’m fine with being alone – after all, 25 December is just another day when you strip away the cultural expectations. But there’s something undeniably hard about being alone on a day when it seems like everyone else is gathered with family. 

But grief doesn’t care what the date on the calendar is. None of the Christmas traditions can outweigh it. The tension between what grieving people feel and the insistence around them that this is ‘the happiest time of the year’ can make our grief feel even more isolating, as if we are the only ones not participating in the mandatory joy.

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When I tell people I’ll be alone for Christmas, they immediately try to fix it. ‘Come to our house!’ they say, or ‘No one should be alone on Christmas!’ I appreciate their kindness, but sometimes being alone is easier than being the widow at someone else’s family celebration, watching their intact family traditions and trying to smile through the stomach-punch of grief.

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves during this time of year is to accept that they’re going to be different now. Different doesn’t have to mean worse. This year, my Christmas plan involves eating chicken Jalfrezi, building Lego, weightlifting, playing on the XBox and then watching back-to-back Wallace and Gromit, and with zero obligation to make conversation. That actually sounds pretty great.

I might spend some time looking at photos, thinking about memories from the past, letting myself feel whatever comes up. I might text friends who are also alone or grieving this Christmas. I might join the WAY Christmas Day Zoom. I might ignore the day completely. The point is, I get to choose.

For others navigating this time of year, whether it’s your first season without your person or your fifth, I want you to know that there’s no right way to do this. If you want to maintain all the old traditions, do it. If you want to create new ones, do that. If you want to pretend Christmas isn’t happening this year, that’s fine too. The only rule is to be gentle with yourself.”

Sarah

“The pressure of a ‘perfect day’ can feel overwhelming, especially when your person is missing and an ‘ok day’ seems like a massive stretch. We mitigated this by putting in smaller fun activities throughout the whole of December so we still felt festive but without it being on the pressured day. This helped to create memories over a longer stretch of time so that the day itself can be whatever it needs to be. Christmas markets, movie nights, festive crafts, hot chocolate Fridays, simple things can be small traditions that make a month of small sparks of light if things are feeling dark. 

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If you have kids or other family you want to celebrate with, talk with them to figure out what parts of your celebrations or traditions are must-haves and what are social expectations... you might be pleasantly surprised by what you can drop to make things easier. 

We light a candle in the morning and let it burn all day, to honour that there’s a person missing but without it feeling like an empty chair. 

It’s ok to make new traditions without your person and it’s ok to feel joy, just as much as it’s ok to ditch all the traditions and pretend like it’s not happening – there’s no right way of marking the day or the loss. 

We have a ‘daddy’ ornament that we hang in the middle of the tree every year. The kids take turns to choose where to hang it up. After six years it can sometimes feel forced to keep talking about him, but these small traditions make it natural rather than a big deal.

Doing Christmas as a solo parent is exhausting and relentless and it's really important to be kind to yourself in the process. It doesn't have to be big and brilliant every moment. It just needs to be full of love – and you are enough, even when you don't feel like it.”

Sam (who is hosting a Zoom meet up for WAY members on Christmas Day)

“Our first few Christmases without Rob were very much guided by our daughter; she didn’t want to be at home where our traditions would be too painful and too suffocating so we went to Rob’s hometown. We decided to stay in a hotel so we had room to escape if we felt overwhelmed (and also so my daughter could have the hotel breakfast!). It was a really good compromise. My daughter was here, there and everywhere with her aunties and uncles. We saw old friends and enjoyed everything but I could retreat when I needed to. 

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As time has moved on, we’re finding the courage to make new traditions. Last year, we had Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve so my daughter could stay in bed on Christmas Day and eat leftovers (100% her choice!). 

Christmas and New Year are both really tricky dates to navigate and I think it’s really important to do what you are comfortable with. Some people love being with the support of family; others are happy with cheese on toast and a horror film!

I think it’s important to be clear with yourself and others about your decisions. It’s OK to leave a party early (it was brilliant that you made it!). It’s OK to skip traditions if they’re too painful (it might just be for that year/that place), and it’s OK to change your mind. Often the run-up is harder than the day itself as so many memories will flood you over those weeks, but remember Christmas Day is only 24 hours. Find your tribe, find your people and know that – whatever happens – as a member of WAY, you’re not alone.” 

Dawn

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“This may sound cliché but Christmas Day is just one day so try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I went to visit my parents with my 14-year-old for the first year, which was lovely and saved me cooking but, to be honest, I just wanted to be in the comfort of my home and cry – it was all a bit much and overwhelming. This year I have decided to cook with some family coming around for an hour or so. 

Do what’s right for you. If that means a frozen pizza and nibbles that’s fine. I’ve found loose commitments help. I may go for a walk / I may not. Just see how you feel and whatever that may look like, it will be ok.

I am also escaping between Christmas and New Year – a little something to look forward to. Christmas is tough, it’s hard to think of all the shoulda woulda couldas but I try and remain positive - I have to remind myself that they wouldn’t want me sad and upset.”