The Perils of Dating

Dating after loss

The idea of dating again after losing your partner can feel overwhelming, even unthinkable. Some members of WAY Widowed and Young make the conscious decision that they will never date anyone else again. Others find themselves open to the possibility of finding love again, sometimes sooner than they expected.

Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no right or wrong timeline when it comes to finding a new relationship. But if you’re considering dating again, it’s important to be kind to yourself. The early months of bereavement can be especially raw, and stepping into the dating world after years – or even decades with your late partner – can bring unexpected challenges. 

Emotional ups and downs, feelings of guilt and the reactions of family and friends (especially children and in-laws) can all add layers of complexity. The best approach is to take it at your own pace. You can always dip your toe into the dating pool and step back out if it doesn’t feel right for you.

Take things slowly

Many WAY members find it helpful to discuss their feelings about returning to dating with other young widowed people who are at a similar stage. In fact, members of our peer support network have set up several Facebook groups that are specifically tailored to discussing the challenges of dating, which can be really helpful as people start to test the waters.  

Other WAY members can provide an invaluable source of advice and a sounding board for people who feel ready to start venturing out into the dating world again, without any judgement. There are discussion threads on our forums dealing with topics ranging from telling the in-laws about a new romance to when to mention your widowed status to a potential new partner and when’s the right time to take off your wedding ring. 

A journey, not a race

Many of our members decide that finding love again is not the be all and end all. They focus instead on finding friendship and activities that make them happy before considering embarking on a new relationship. 

We would recommend reaching out to find friendship in the earliest days of bereavement through peer support networks like WAY Widowed and Young to help start rebuilding a social life before launching into the world of dating.

Please see this page for more thoughts from WAY members on this topic.

Finding love again

Many WAY members do go on to find love again. However, finding a partner who understands and respects your past can take time, and feelings of guilt, hesitation and emotional highs and lows are all part of the process. 

Many WAY members who have gone on to find love again say that it is possible to love someone new while also still continuing to feel love for your late partner, in the same way as you may have the capacity to love two or more children.  

Navigating the dating world

If you do decide it’s time to give dating a go, there are plenty of online opportunities, including dating sites specifically for widowed people and single parents. 

Here are a few golden rules:

• Look out for signs of romance scams and catfishers – be very cautious about giving personal details too soon and be very suspicious of any requests for cash. Read more about staying safe online...
• Think about when you want to share your widowed status (some WAY members choose not to reveal that they've been widowed straight away while others are more open on their profiles). 
• Always meet in a public place for a first date.
• Let a friend know where you’re going.
• Arrange a check-in call during the date – just in case you need a graceful exit!

Above all, remember: there’s no pressure, no rush, and no ‘right’ way to do this. Whether you find new love or simply enjoy meeting new people, take it at your own pace. And it can be really helpful to reach out for support and advice from other people who understand what you’re going through.