Lydine’s story: Finding the right support after suicide bereavement

September 2026

This National Suicide Prevention Month, WAY member Lydine shares some of the challenges of adjusting to life after a suicide bereavement as a widowed parent – and explains why practical support, honest conversations and connection can help bereaved families feel less alone…

“You don’t have to fix their grief. You just need to help them carry it.”

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“My husband took his life in August 2024 – leaving me as a solo parent to three children. My husband Matthew struggled with some mental health issues when we met. However, this was never bad enough to need any medical support. He lost several family members a few months before his death but he didn’t show any obvious signs of struggling with his grief or mental health.

It has been hard finding the right support. I went to a local bereaved by suicide group but everyone there had lost a child or sibling. No one had lost a spouse so they didn't understand my struggles parenting by myself or dealing with bank accounts, pensions etc. 

I joined WAY Widowed and Young very early on and it was a brilliant online support but I always felt different from the other widows as many of their partners had died either through illness or an accident. Although my husband did have an illness that led to his death that is not how suicide is seen.

I then found the WAY sub-group widowed by suicide. Finally people who got it. I have used the Facebook group to ask for advice on how to navigate different things that have come up and also joined the online Zoom sessions. Knowing there are others who understand how I feel and what I’m going through helps with the isolation and stigma that comes with being widowed by suicide.

What has been the biggest challenge you’ve faced since you were widowed?

I think the biggest challenge has been grieving while also solo parenting. I have to try to deal with my own grief while still being a mum. Some days the grief can feel completely overwhelming, but the dishes still need washing, the laundry still needs doing and the children still need looking after.

There’s also the mental load of suddenly having to make every decision about the house and the children on my own. It’s not just the physical responsibility of running a home and looking after the children. It’s having to constantly think, plan, organise and make decisions about everything on my own. With children who have additional needs, there are already so many appointments, school issues, routines, forms, messages, therapies and things to remember. When you’re grieving at the same time, that mental load can feel almost impossible.

Grief also affects the way your brain works. I can forget things, lose my train of thought or just completely forget about something important. It can be frustrating because you’re already carrying such a huge emotional weight, and then even the everyday things that used to be automatic can suddenly require so much more effort.

You’re trying to support your children through their grief while your own brain is struggling to process your loss, and at the same time you’re still expected to function normally – to make decisions, organise the house, deal with schools and appointments, remember birthdays, pay bills and keep everyone fed and cared for. There’s no pause button on everyday life just because you’re grieving.

One of the other challenges I find is I sometimes feel like I have to ask for permission to do things because I depend on family to help with the children. It can be difficult knowing that I can’t simply make plans or do things because I have to consider who can help me with the children.

There are days when I would love to just stop and grieve, but I don’t have that option. I still have to get up and be Mum.

What are the specific challenges you’ve faced as a widow to suicide and a widowed mother of children with different needs?

One of the things I’ve found particularly difficult is the stigma and awkwardness around suicide. When I tell people that my husband died at just 39, people often assume that it was an accident. I feel embarrassed having to say that he died by suicide, and I’ve found that people can become visibly uncomfortable or awkward when they hear how he died.

Then there are the additional challenges of supporting children with different needs. All of my children have additional needs – one is autistic, one is suspected to be autistic and one is deaf. Parents of children with SEN will understand the additional challenges and the amount of support they can require, but for us there is now another layer on top of that: their grief, as well as my own.

Trying to support each of my children through their grief, while dealing with my own, and doing it all as a solo parent, can feel like an enormous weight to carry.

How have you broached some of the taboos with your children? What are the most helpful resources you've found?

I’ve also been so lucky to have support from my local Barnardo’s service, which specifically supports children through bereavement. Having somebody who understands children’s grief and can support them in a way that is appropriate for their age and needs has been incredibly valuable.

My twins are still very young, so – with the help of a play therapist from Barnardo’s – I explained what happened in a way that they can understand. I told them that Daddy’s brain was very poorly and that he didn't ask anyone for help to make him feel better so he did something that caused his body to stop working.

With my older child, I’ve been able to explain things in a little more detail, but I’ve focused a lot on mental health. I talked about how important it is to look after our mental health, who we can talk to when we’re struggling, things we can do to help ourselves and the different places we can go to for support.

Do you have any thoughts about how people could support those who’ve been bereaved by suicide?

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I think one of the most important things to understand about grief is that it doesn’t simply go away. There is no time limit. There are good days and bad days, and sometimes the difficult days can come completely out of nowhere, even when you think you’re doing okay.

One thing I’ve really struggled with is people constantly telling me how brave and strong I am for dealing with everything. The reality is, I don't feel brave or strong. I’m doing what I have to do because I don’t have any other choice. I have children who need me. I’m not choosing to be brave or strong. I simply have to keep going.

I also think it’s important to remember that every bereavement is different, and losing someone to suicide brings its own complexities. Sometimes people don’t know what to say, so they avoid the person altogether. But you don’t need to have the right words.

Just be there. Call in. Do the dishes. Hang the washing out. Make a cup of tea. Sit with them and listen.