Reimagining your world: Finding rainbows through the storm
January 2025
To kick off National Storytelling Week, WAY Widowed and Young Ambassador Emma Gray shares her experiences, highlighting how storytelling can help to process grief while offering hope to others…
“Reimagining your world” – it sounds like something from a self-help book, doesn’t it?
But for those of us in the WAY Widowed and Young community, having to reimagine our world is not an option we chose... it’s one that was thrust upon us when we lost our partners far too young. Although we didn’t choose this path, I am a huge believer that we can choose how we navigate it. For me, that navigation has been guided by an unexpected compass... the Royal Marine motto that so totally encapsulates my late husband of “cheerfulness in the face of adversity”. He was the guy you would want by you in the trenches… when you were cold and wet, the smile on his face and his eternal optimism would have brought a ray of sunshine to the darkest of days.

Before Simon died, my life was meticulously planned. As a solicitor married to a Royal Marine, we’d mastered the weekend commuting lifestyle, treasuring our family time on the weekends when he wasn’t working away. Our world revolved around our two young daughters, our dogs and the delicate balance between his love for spontaneous adventures and my need for quiet structure. Simon brought horses into our lives. He was adamant that, if our girls became passionate about horses, we would have less trouble with boys! Horses were his comfort zone, looking at our lives now no-one would know that they’re my challenge. He also had an infectious energy for being busy that both exhausted and inspired me.
Then suddenly, our carefully constructed world shifted, Simon was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer around Christmas time in 2013. Heartbreakingly, he died in July 2016. Losing Simon wasn’t just about grief; it was about losing our hopes and dreams for the future, that forever home in the country with horses outside that still eludes me! I found myself solo parenting our girls, aged 6 and 8 when he died, while trying to maintain a demanding legal career. The quiet time I’d always needed for mental balance... running, reading and art... vanished overnight. I was struggling to do everything and, being honest… I felt I was doing it all badly.
Facing fears

But grief has a way of revealing hidden strengths... I discovered that honouring Simon’s memory didn’t mean becoming him. Instead, it meant finding ways to blend his spirit with my authentic self. Take the horses, for instance... the first time I drove the horse lorry, I was terrified. But isn’t that a perfect metaphor for widowhood? Facing our fears, learning new skills and finding our way. Our daughters reflect this blend too – one thrives on busy horse activity like her dad, while the other needs downtime like me. Eight years later and we’re still learning to balance these different needs... finding our own rhythm.
Just before lockdown, with no idea of the forced family time that was about to be imposed on the nation, I handed in my notice at work to “spend more time with the kids and sort the house out”. The forced isolation was the beginning of quality family time and the pause from work led to an unexpected reimagining of my career. As a solicitor, I felt constantly torn between work and parenting, which often led to me overcompensating in both areas until exhaustion hit. The revelation came when we had space... I realised what truly energised me… it was not the legal paperwork, but the human connection, the mental wellness aspects, the privilege of hearing and holding space for other people’s stories.
Building communities

Building new communities has been crucial in this reimagined world. When I started the WAY Military Sub-Group for other young widowed people with military connections, it was because I felt that there were unique challenges military widows face. These included navigating remembrance events in civilian communities that don’t quite understand and dealing with pensions, the Ministry of Defence (MoD) system and life policies.
I also set up the WAY Horses Sub-Group, to connect those of us finding healing through horses… and selfishly I felt I needed a place I could ask the “silly questions” I wanted to ask Simon about the new horse ownership. In that group we share everything from winter weather woes to the profound grief when a beloved pet dies, stirring memories of other losses.
Writing and sharing our experiences (I prefer this terminology to “journey”) has been transformative. I personally find that each time I share my story I understand it a bit more. But, it’s not just about processing our own grief; it’s also about normalising the myriad ways we navigate loss. Every time we share our story, we help someone else feel less alone in theirs. Every time we listen to another’s experience, we expand our understanding of the unique-ness of grief.
Finding joy
This passion for healing through connection is where my Rainbow Hunting philosophy emerged, inspired by Simon’s Royal Marine motto. Finding joy doesn’t dishonour our grief. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in grief is that pain and joy can co-exist. Instead, finding joy is about building resilience through adversity and reconnecting with what makes our hearts sing. I’m trying my best to teach our daughters to be “rainbow hunters”, giving them both roots in family connections and wings for independence. Often in life the focus is on the negative but I believe that what we focus on grows… so it’s about finding light in the darkness while honouring the storm that brought us to where we are.

Reimagining your world certainly is not about “moving on” and it doesn’t mean forgetting the one you lost. On the contrary, it’s about continuing bonds… finding ways to keep memories alive in ways that bring comfort rather than just pain. Some days, that means crying over old photos, but other days, it’s laughing about crazy things we used to do together or seeing Simon’s traits in our growing daughters. It’s also about learning when to push through challenges and when to ask for help... something the WAY community understands intimately.
As we mark National Storytelling Week, I encourage you to share your story – not because you have to, but because each voice adds to society’s understanding of love, loss and resilience. Whether through writing, speaking or simply connecting with others who understand, each experience matters. Please remember that in sharing our stories, we not only process our own grief but also we light the way for others still finding their path. I’m always touched to get messages from people to say that reading my story has given them hope for the future.
And, after all, that’s what community is about... supporting each other as we navigate this unexpected journey of reimagining our worlds without our loved ones, one small step at a time.
Emma Gray is a former award-winning solicitor who reimagined her own world after being widowed young with two small children. Now a grief and life coach, she helps others navigate life’s challenging transitions through her business Rainbow Hunting. Based in Somerset but working entirely online, Emma combines practical organisation with emotional support to help people to grow life around grief and sort out what she calls the “Sadmin", drawing on both her professional expertise and personal experience of bereavement.

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