Sophie’s first year as a young widowed Mum: Reflecting on loss, love and new traditions

December 2024

WAY member Sophie was 17 weeks pregnant when her husband Paul tragically died in a road traffic accident. Now, over a year on, Sophie reflects on how she’s creating new traditions for herself and her daughter Poppy, while keeping Paul’s memory alive.

“This New Year will be my second without Paul. He died in May 2023 on his way to work, just months after we got married in November 2022. We only celebrated one New Year together as a married couple, and it still feels surreal that he’s gone.”

Last year, Sophie shared how she was planning her first New Year without Paul:
“We always celebrated New Year with our friends – taking turns to throw parties at each other’s houses. New Year 2022 was at our house and we had a disco theme with balloons and karaoke – it was great!

But after losing Paul, New Year’s Eve was very different. Not only was he absent, but I was also a new mum to our beautiful daughter, Poppy, who was born in October 2023.”

Sophie decided to keep things low-key and spent the evening walking a Christmas Light trail at her local National Trust property with her parents. She said at the time:
“Paul would want me to celebrate the start of every New Year like we always did, but it’s undeniably heartbreaking to face the start of a year he hasn’t been in.”

Creating new traditions

Now, reflecting on her first festive season without Paul, Sophie has learned the importance of building new traditions to help navigate her grief and celebrate the future with her daughter.

“I think my thoughts after having done the first Christmas as a young widowed mum are to make new traditions,” Sophie explains. “I found it hard trying to replicate the same things we did with Paul – it made the loss feel even more profound.”

Sophie has embraced making new memories that are just for her and Poppy.
“We’ve started going to the Christmas Light trail at our local National Trust property with my parents, and it’s become something special we do together. I’ve also started asking people to share memories of Paul over specific times.”

Remembering Paul

One of the hardest challenges Sophie has faced is ensuring Paul’s memory remains a part of her life without letting the grief overwhelm her.

“I found people were almost scared to mention him for fear of reminding me he had died! But talking about him reminds me he lived and how wonderful he was,” Sophie says.

She adds, “It can be easy to focus on the accident that killed him rather than the 25 amazing years he had before that. I’ve started asking friends and family to share festive memories of Paul with me, but only when I feel ready to hear them. It’s less upsetting this way than when it catches me off guard.”

How WAY helps

Sophie credits WAY with helping her navigate the complexities of grief and motherhood.
“My family and friends were amazing, but I felt so alone because I didn’t know anyone who’d been through what I was going through. WAY has given me a community and support network of people who understand that grief and joy can coexist.”

Sophie also finds support in WAY’s subgroups for members widowed while pregnant and widowed with children.
“They’ve given me practical advice on being a new mum and reassured me that my feelings are completely normal. Knowing others have felt the same really helps when I’m struggling.”