Transgender Awareness Week: Hear from WAY Ambassador Maria

November 2024

Maria was widowed in 2015 and has been an active member of WAY ever since, volunteering as an Area Contact for the West Midlands until 2022. She is currently an Ambassador for WAY LGBTQIA+ members. Maria has been very open with her experiences transitioning to Maria over the past few years. She shares her journey...

“My wife Mandy died of ovarian cancer in 2015. We had been together for 30 years. I cross dressed for 30 years but I didn’t come out until 2017, three years after she died. My wife was afraid of what people would say. In the two years before she died, my wife came out with me as Maria maybe five times. All the time we had our hearts in our mouths, waiting for someone to say something. I perfectly understand why my wife was concerned and because I loved her, I never took things further.

It wasn’t until I met my new partner, also called Mandy, and told her from day one who I was, that this became more and more me until I said look, ‘I’m happier as Maria’. It took my new Mandy about 18 months before she realised it wasn’t just a phase or a midlife crisis. This was integral to being me.

Before I came out in 2017, about ten people knew. I came out in a widowed group – and suddenly 400 people knew. I got so much encouragement – I was blown away with it. I’ve only had one negative comment and that person hasn’t been part of my life since. 

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In 2020 I became Maria full time and in 2022 I changed my name and became Maria officially. It’s been liberating for all kinds of different reasons. I’ve never felt better about myself, and it’s been one of those things, along with losing Mandy, that I have really struggled with over the years.

Now I’m positive about myself and about how people are towards me. I look at myself and I love the person that’s there.

One of the things about becoming a widow, losing Mandy, is that I feel I can get through
anything. Losing her was everything but I’m still here. Transitioning is small potatoes compared to that.

How has WAY helped on your journey?

WAY has been a godsend. From the moment I found out about WAY and joined in September 2015 I knew I had done the right thing. I spoke to a local volunteer, went on Facebook and started talking to people. I immediately realised that I was with people who just got where I was. And then, as the acting Area Contact said she hadn’t got the time to organise anything, I decided to hold a coffee meeting and realised this is something that needed doing. Within a month of joining WAY, I was volunteering to support other members.

It has been a struggle combining everything – I work full time, I have two kids, one who has special needs and while they are no longer at school, it was touch and go sometimes.

But keeping up the contact and messages with fellow WAY members has been really good. It’s such a good support network for all sorts of reasons. It is so helpful to have people around you say, ‘we know this is difficult but we’re here for you’. To be able to say that and mean it. It is a difficult journey we’re all on and the fact that we have this group of people whose journeys are all different is a great source of comfort.

Tell us about the subgroup for LGBTQIA+ members

I helped setup the LGBTQIA+ group on Facebook 8 years ago and we have over 120 WAY members now. When I came out, it was helpful to hear insights from others in the LGBTQIA+ community as I hadn’t seen myself as part of anything before. Now with the current real-world climate becoming ever darker for our community, especially trans people, I am so glad that I have a safe haven to touch bases with. And going forward it will be a beacon of hope for all of us.

Hear some advice on how to support people who are widowed and trans from WAY volunteer Griffyn